Short and sweet … well, short, anyway

November 17, 2006

This has been a helluva week, and it ain’t over yet.

(Sorry ’bout that; the shittiness of this week calls for a little Texas drawl, ya’ll.)

~ Miss Attitude was out of school with pneumonia two days this week.

~ Tuesday evening found me alone (Deputy Dad was working) with all three kids in the emergency room at the hospital in [larger town an hour away, where we go for shopping and pediatrician visits] while we waited for Miss Attitude to get a chest x-ray. Oh. My. Freaking. Gosh. I went into OCD Overdrive as I watched the walking wounded (and presumably contagious!) around us.
(To clarify, I didn’t take all three kids and head to [larger town] to take Miss Attitude to the E.R.  We went for a pediatrician appointment, and he wanted to get a chest x-ray after hearing her junky-sounding left lung.  It was after-hours by then, so we had to go through the E.R. to get it done…which meant waiting in the E.R. waiting room, a terrifying experience for an OCD/anal-retentive mom of three.)

~ SuperBoy is trying to kill us with his Terrible Twoness.

~ At this moment, even as I type this, Deputy Dad is on the couch, alternately dozing and writhing in pain, as he tries to pass another kidney stone. We just went through this two weeks ago. He’s opted not to go to the E.R. this time, as long as we can manage the pain with the spiffy drugs they prescribed him last time.

Hydrocodone Haiku

A little white pill
Taken with some Seven Up
Deputy Dad, sleep


More tomorrow, if I make it through tonight with my sanity intact.  At this point, it’s questionable. 


And now a word from Granny Grammar…

November 14, 2006

In more than two years of blogging and reading blogs, I’ve learned something very important:

Some people just don’t have a freaking clue when it comes to certain grammar rules.

I can easily overlook spelling errors and typos, especially in the informal context of blogging. But some errors are so heinous, and repeated so often, they beg to be addressed. So. In the interest of the public at large and the crimes being committed against the English language with terrifying frequency, here are a few, basic grammar and usage rules.

Your and You’re:

You’re missing your favorite movie.

Your is a pronoun which shows possession, as in Is this your coat? or Your eyes are lovely. You’re is a contraction, a short form of the words you are, as in Are you sure you’re alright? and You’re in a lot of trouble, mister. Anytime you start to write (or type) the word you’re, stop and substitute the words you are. If your sentence still makes sense, you’re good.

There, Their and They’re

They’re looking over there for their mittens.

There is a place or a point; it is the opposite of here, as in There is the cafeteria or Is there more to this than meets the eye? Their is a plural pronoun which shows possession, as in Their car is in the shop. They’re is a contraction combining the words they and are, as in They’re [they are] going to the store. Again, substituting the words they are in your sentence can help you determine if usage of they’re is appropriate.

Two, Too and To

Two bears are too many to challenge.

Two is a number, as in I have two dogs. Too is used when the meaning is “in addition,” as in Paris and I attended the party. Nicole came along, too. OR when the meaning is “more than enough,” as in I’ve made too many trips to the pediatrician or Too many cooks spoil the stew. To is a preposition with many definitions (see link), and is generally used whenever two and too are inappropriate, as in We went to the mall and To what do I owe this pleasure? To is also used to anchor an infinitive (to plus a verb), as in To know him is to love him. (I’ll refrain from going on a rant about split infinitives.) (Okay, I can’t refrain completely. It’s Try not to split your infinitive, NOT Try to not split your infinitive. It’s awkward, and it HURTS ME, PEOPLE.)

A lot

A lot of cars were stuck in traffic.

My seventh grade English teacher said, “If you only remember one thing from this entire year, let it be this: A lot is TWO. WORDS. Not one.” Alot is not a word.

Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve

Perhaps the most horrific crime currently being committed against the English language is the tendency some folks have to substitute the word of for the word have or for contractions ending in -ve. When I read something like, “I was so mad, I could of screamed,” a little part of me dies. Would’ve. Could’ve. Should’ve. As in would have, could have, and should have. As in I would’ve picked you up at the airport, if I had known you were arriving today.

One last thing, folks…

Every time you write if I had of known (*shudder*), God kills a kitten.


Tune in next time, when we address Hillbilly Grammar, and the difference between SEEN and SAW!

Haiku! (Gesundheit!), Revisited

November 10, 2006

Morning comes early
Walking around in a daze
Nyquil hangover

Sniff, blow, cough, clear throat
Veritable symphony
Of nasal noises

Achoo! and Bless you!
Ringing through the office walls
Can I go home now?

Facing the weekend
Three kids, puppy, spouse at work
Is overwhelming

Modern inventions
No cure for the common cold
Poor priorities

Note: This haiku post was inspired by Summer’s haikus for my fellow wal-mart shoppers

Well, CRAP

November 9, 2006

So, hey, yeah, guess what? I was looking at my calendar in the sidebar over there and realized that it wasn’t showing a post on November 5th. WHAT? I’ve posted every day this month! I’m doing freakin’ NaBloPoMo, fer cryin’ out loud!

As it turns out, I had my time stamp set wrong, and the entry I posted Sunday night just before midnight had Monday’s date on it, because it posted an hour ahead. Geez.

So I’ve gone back and adjusted the time stamps for all the November posts, turning them each back an hour. Which means I look like a big ol’ Cheater Pants now, when I’m actually just a total and complete idiot when it comes to anything involving Greenwich Mountain Time and adjusting for my time zone.


In other news, a cold virus has decided to attach itself to my person. I was trying -TRYING – to blame allergies for my symptoms…runny nose, sneezing, stuffiness – must be allergies! Yes, Just Allergies! And NOT a cold coming on! Because Holy Shit I Do NOT Have TIME For A Cold!

And then came the sore throat. And the achiness. And the generally feeling like total and complete crap.

So, yeah, not so much allergies as a FREAKING COLD. Blargh.

America’s Obesity Problem Summed Up in Six Words

October 12, 2006

French fries are cheaper than salads.

Open Letters

September 25, 2006

Dear Complaint Department:

So…yeah…umm…about today… It…umm…totally did NOT work for me. In fact, it really, really sucked. I hereby request a do-over. With…umm…a stand-in Mom? A stunt double? Maybe? Because, geez, I am abso-fucking-lutely exhausted.

Sincerely yours,


Dear Guy In the White Truck Who Ran the Fucking Stop Sign and Almost Ran Me Over:

I was not waving at you. I was trying my damndest not to flip you off.

Up yours,


Dear September:

You suck. I mean, you really fucking suck. You suck so much that you’ve actually got me using the F-word. Me! The freaking F-Word! I cannot fucking wait until October shows up to kick your sorry ass to the curb.

Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out,

Haiku! (Gesundheit!)

September 20, 2006

A call from the school
Then a trip to the E.R.
Makes any day suck

Fall on the playground
The spinning merry-go-round
Now not so merry

One sprained ankle and
No medical insurance
That’s perfect timing

Dental appointment
Phase two of a root canal
On the same damn day

Is it getting worse?
Two shitty weeks in a row?
Fuck you, September.

Muscle relaxer
A dose of hydrocodone
Mom’s down for the count.