In case you were wondering what raising a boy is like

January 25, 2008

“Mom.  MOM.  MOM.”

“Yes, darlin’?”

“Dere’s bad guys.”

“Bad guys?”

“Yes.  Dere is bad guys in da house.”

“Oh no.  What’re you gonna do?  Are you gonna call Spiderman?”

“No.  Me will SHOOT dem.  Wif my big GUN.”

“Oh, okay.  Just don’t get any blood on the carpet.”

“Okay.  Me won’t.”

(Plastic, toy shotgun with “real” sounds:  Bang!  Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!  Bang!  Bang!)

“Me SHOT dem!”

“You did?”

“Yes.  Me shot dem wif my GUN!”  (Pause, then…)  “Oh no!  Is ANUDDER bad guy!”

Bang!  Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!Bang!

“Me got him.”


Deputy Dad returns this evening from a week out of town…

October 5, 2007

Legs freshly shaved?  Check.

Hair blow-dried and curled (i.e. no ponytail)?  Check, and check.

Makeup on?  Check.

Contacts in (glasses sometimes get in the way in certain…provocative situations)?  Check.

T!ts hoisted heavenward and looking spectacular?  Check, and CHECK.

The Good, the Bad, and the Stuffy

May 2, 2007

The Good:

Miss Attitude’s neurologist appointment was yesterday.  Without going into a lot of long, drawn-out detail, I’ll just make a long story short and tell you it was good news, all around.  Since the MRIs and VEP came back normal, he really didn’t think we had anything to worry about; the abnormal “protein band” in her spinal fluid, in and of itself, was not a clear indicator of MS…was, in fact, “really nothing to worry about.”  (*insert huge sigh of relief here*)  He also doesn’t think Miss Attitude has papilledema (optic nerve swelling); he thinks it may be pseudopapilledema, in which it just appears swollen, but actually isn’t.  He’s sending her to a pediatric ophthamologist, who will – I assume – confirm or refute the neurologist’s finding.  The headaches, he says, sound like childhood migraines, and for now we’ll just treat them with Tylenol and Motrin unless/until she needs something stronger.

The Bad:

As if all the headache/MRI/optic nerve/spinal tap/neurology crap wasn’t enough, Miss Attitude is currently recovering from yet another round of pneumonia, her third? or fourth, maybe? episode of pneumonia in the last several months.  Her pediatrician has spoken with her pulmonologist, who wants to do another bronchoscopy to try to find out why the poor kid keeps getting pneumonia.  She’ll have that on June 13th, this time under general anesthesia.  (Her last bronchoscopy – two years ago – was done under conscious sedation.)

The Stuffy:

I’ve been fighting what I’m pretty sure is a sinus infection.  It started as a cold – or allergies, or a combination thereof – about three weeks ago, and has steadily continued NOT to improve.  I have neither medical insurance nor the money for a doctor visit or prescriptions, especially in the wake of all of Miss Attitude’s recent doctor visits and prescriptions, so I’ve just waited and waited for things to get better…for my head to stop throbbing and my nose to stop dripping and my sinuses to stop draining and my throat to stop hurting and my cough to stop…erm…coughing; but, alas, my body seems to have chosen not to heal itself, and I finally gave in to Deputy Dad’s demands and let him call his doctor to make me an appointment.  He called to let me know they had scheduled me for 4:00…NEXT Tuesday.  My response?  “Hell, just forget it…I’ll either be better or dead by then!”  Geez.

Recent conversation at the LadyBug house

April 19, 2007

*Caution: American Idol results show SPOILER below!*

[American Idol‘s Wednesday night results show ends.]

LadyBug: Okay, girls, get your medicine and go potty; it’s time for bed!

[The Drama Queen and Miss Attitude leave the room.]

Deputy Dad: Whew.  That’s a relief.

LadyBug: What’s a relief?

Deputy Dad: Sanjaya got kicked off American Idol, and it’s time for [the kids] to go to bed.

LadyBug: So, which one are you more relieved about?


Deputy Dad: Well, right now, I think it’s a tie.

For auld lang syne…

January 1, 2007

I once heard that (supposedly) whatever you’re doing at midnight on New Year’s Eve is what you’ll be doing all year long.  I certainly hope that’s not true.  Every last family member (in-laws included) is either suffering with or struggling to recover from a cold we all shared with each other in an overzealous display of holiday generosity.  You know, the Spirit of Giving and all that.

In spite of our present, germ-infested state and the fact that – between the sick kids, the medicine for the sick kids, and the work I missed because of the sick kids – we’re starting out the New Year both contagious and financially doomed, I still find myself oddly optimistic and hopeful.  Maybe it’s because I’m sitting here in my warm, comfortable home, listening to my new mp3 player Deputy Dad surprised me with for Christmas.  (Warning to grammar geeks (of which I am one): Make no attempt to diagram the previous sentence, especially that whole with for disaster.  Just make a mental note that it’s currently 1:40 AM, decide to forgive my grammatical transgressions, and move on.)  Maybe it’s because my beautiful children are sleeping peacefully in their warm beds, my sweetheart is lightly snoring in the recliner next to me, and the puppy is curled up asleep on the couch.  Maybe it’s just because we took down the Christmas tree today, so that project’s not staring me in the face anymore.

Or maybe it’s because I’ve spent the last several days being consciously thankful for every little thing, and that’s improving my outlook.

Whatever the reason, I find myself hoping for good things in 2007.

As for you, my Internet Friends, I hope for good things for you as well.  If 2006 was a rough year for you (and I know it was for some of my dearest blogging buddies), then I hope 2007 is much, much better.  And if 2006 was a good year for you, I hope 2007 is spectacular.

A dear friend reminded me recently how important Hope is.  I’m holding on to Hope.  For me.  For Susie.  For you.

Happy New Year, my Internet Friends.  May God bless you and those you love today and every day.

When you’re married to the law, those “just to say I love you” phone calls sound like this:

December 15, 2006

Cell phone rings; Deputy Dad’s work cell phone number is on the display.

LadyBug:   Hello, Handsome.

Deputy Dad:  Hey, what’re you doin’?

LadyBug:  Not much.  What’re you doin’?

Deputy Dad:  Oh, I was just lookin’ over these human bones and I thought about how much I love you.

Not dead…just shopping!

December 12, 2006

Hi!  Hey!  Hello!  How are you?  Good?  That’s great!

So, yeah…I posted every day for the entire month of November, and then Boom!  Just decided to drop off the face of the earth in December!  Right?

Well, no, not exactly.  Truth is, things have just been crazy and busy and crazy busy.  Did you know freaking CHRISTMAS is right around the corner?!?  So, apparently, there’s all this shopping to do, and all these preparations, and the wrapping and the decorating and Good GRIEF, can I just put napping my sleepy ass right through to the New Year on my holiday to-do list??

I thought I was coming down with another cold last week, but I took high doses of Vitamins C and B-12 and got over it within a couple days.  I did the same thing last time I had a cold, and also got over that one uncharacteristically quickly.  I’m not saying I’ve found a cure for the common cold, but I AM saying that I’ll be keeping Vitamin C and Vitamin B-12 on hand at all times.

In other news, Deputy Dad had his stent removed yesterday.  Hopefully, he’ll be back to normal within a few days, and all this kidney stone madness will soon be a distant memory.