Just back from checking my stats…

Hmm…Only three people commented on the last post…

Was it my cheesy attempt at lighthearted haiku-ing that turned you off?

Or, rather, was it my unapologetic reference to nasal noises and allusion to the contents therein?

Allow me to wax poetically, won’t you?

~

I am reminded at this juncture of the classical song stylings of one Ray Stevens, he of Mississippi Squirrel Revival and Shriner’s Convention fame.

And my mind wanders now to Mr. Stevens’ musical masterpiece entitled Ned Nostril and His South Seas Paradise Puts Your Blues on Ice Cheap at Twice the Price Band (Icky Icky Ucky Ucky)

Well, even when Ned was a little-bitty baby
His nose covered most of his face
And as he grew to manhood
It spread out all over the place
His heroes were Karl Malden, Jimmy Durante and Pinocchio
And all his friends used to wonder just how big it was gonna grow

Hmmmmmmm………

Well, growin’ up was a problem for Ned
He tried sports, but he couldn’t make it
On the football field the other team
Used to kick his nose and try to take it
Basketball games were always the same
Ned always felt indignant*
When the referee blew his whistle
And called him down for double dribblin’

Hmmmmmmmm………

Well, then Ned had a brainstorm
He’d be a music man
So he rounded up his buddies
And they started a little band
Now, it’s hard gettin’ noticed
When you’re virtually new and unknown
But Ned had a plan and a name for the band
With a sound all their own

So if you wanna hear some wheezin’ and sneezin’
And blowin’ and goin’ that’s grand
Go hear Ned Nostril and his South Seas Paradise
Puts your blues on ice
Cheap at twice the price band
(Icky Icky Ucky Ucky)
The best in the land
(Icky Icky Ucky Ucky)
They’re all you can stand
(Icky Icky Ucky Ucky)
What solid men demand
(Icky Icky Ucky Ucky Icky Icky Ucky)

~

*Not sure if indignant is the word he uses there. I’m also missing a verse or two. I had to type these lyrics from memory; the internet totally let me down in my search. Also note putting the lyrics here would be much more effective (at expressing my point, anyway) (not that I’m sure anymore what that point was) (but work with me, here, okay?) if I could somehow transcribe the…umm…sound effects of Ned Nostril and his band. But perhaps that’s for the best, eh?

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13 Responses to Just back from checking my stats…

  1. Big Orange says:

    well, *I* didn’t comment ‘cuz I didn’t know who you wuz! (I actually found YOUR comment on Flannery’s “Prone 2 Whimsy” blog– we’re both doin’ the NaBloPoMo thang).

    *I* like whatcha wrote! So there! >:P meanwhile, for OTHER poetry, feel free to check out http://www.poormanstelepathy.blogspot.com!!

    Keep up the good work!!

  2. Danielle says:

    I think that this might be what is known as the weekend effect. Not so many people come around on the weekends to check out blogs.

    As to your post, I can’t believe this is a real song. I’m still trying to decide if you are pulling one over on us/me or not. It seems a bit too strange to be true. Unless it is a kid’s song. They always seem to enjoy books &/or songs about nose issues and vomitting, farting etc.

    I wonder why.

  3. Bill says:

    Ray Stevens? Definitely a candidate for “real” if it’s one of his. I’m thinking of another one by him… a name forms in my mind… “Ethyl.”

  4. LadyBug says:

    Hello and welcome, Big Orange! I’ll be sure to stop by your place today.

    It IS a real song, Danielle. I don’t know if you’re familiar with Ray Stevens? He’s like the Weird Al Yankovic of country music. Lots of musical comedy and satire.

    I believe you’re thinking of The Streak, Bill. He yells out, “Don’t look, Ethel!” several times during that one.

  5. Well, I was thinking your lovely poetry deserved an original haiku comment. I was wracking my brain….Then you posted again with that damned NaBloPoMo thang and I got distracted.

    Basically I need to up my meds.

  6. LadyBug says:

    Kranki, your comment made me giggle. Love and hugs to you, hon.

  7. kalki says:

    I wasn’t turned off at all – just intimidated by your cleverness. I wanted to leave a haiku comment (and no, I’m not copying Kranki’s excuse – we just happen to think alike, okay?) but I couldn’t think of anything worthy. Just I gave up, because I suck.

    Also, I love me some Ray Stevens. Don’t look, Ethel!!!!

    Love you, LB.

  8. psumommy says:

    Ray Stevens ROCKS. My favorite is “I’m My Own Grandpa”.

    And Adam says ‘hi’ back. 🙂

  9. LadyBug says:

    Hee, Kalki! And love you, too.

    I like that one, too, psumommy. But I think my favorite is “Mississippi Squirrel Revival.”

  10. rebecca says:

    Thanx for the memory. I miss this song. You are the only person who wrote it down and it, for some reason, isn’t on Youtube….grrrrr. I must find it. oh, part of it that you missed was “the band members would sniff rag weed ’till their allergies were screaming and they’d harmoniize with wattery eyes and sinuses astreamin’. Ned took his liability and figured-out how to turn it around. They wore Hi-wyin’ clothes and Ned played his nose and, well, that was their sound.” and the other part I think was “booked solid and in demand.” “He tried to play the guitar, but his nose covered most of the chords, he tried to play the piano, but he couldn’t see the keyboard. He tried to play the drums some, but his nose stuck too far out, he tried to play the trombone (?), but he couldn’t get it to his mouth???” Then one day Ned had a brainstorm, he’d be a music man……” It is a little fuzzy for I haven’t heard this song in about 15-20 years. One of Ray’s best no doubt!

  11. Brian says:

    The word Ray uses is ‘inhibited.’

  12. donnie says:

    u can get it on any p2p icky yucky yucky was my fav, i was googling for lyircs and this was the only place thanx for contributing, my other fav was eric the aweful viking that gave hickies to innocent women.

    Way back in history along the Nordic coast
    that was the sound all the people feared the most
    It would echo thru the night up and down the foggy fj-ord
    It was Erik and the bloodthirsty Horde!

    Chorus: Erik the Awful, the Brutal and Tenacious
    Erik the Awful, the Ruthless and Courageous
    Subtle as a chainsaw, lacking all the Social Graces
    You can run, but you cannot hide!

    YES! And as the oars of the sleek, fierce Viking ship cut thru the water like
    knives thru the fog-shrouded Nordic sea, transporting the wild, marauding
    band of Viking heathens stealthily towards their unsuspecting, slumbering
    victims, there he stood, on the foredeck, Erik the Awful, the wildest,
    bloodthirstiest Viking of them all!

    (his Momma named him Erik ’cause she couldn’t spell AHHGGGRRRFFFFLLLLQQHH!)

    He had a hairy head, a hairy face, hairy chest, hairy legs, hairy boots and a
    hairy hat, shaped like a big bullet with horns comin’ out the sides…..and
    once he started after ya he’d NEVER stop!
    He’d turn to his oarsmen in his 37 oared fj-ord and he’d say: “MORDEN BORDEN
    FJORDEN GORDEN!” which was Viking for:

    “YA-HOO!!!!!, RAVAGE, PILLAGE, PLUNDER,
    MAIM AND PUT BIG HICKEYS ON ALL THEM FAIR DAMSELS!”

    Chorus: And it was Erik the Awful, the Brutal and Tenacious
    Erik the Awful, mercy sakes! and goodness gracious!
    His appetite for slaughter was simply voracious
    You gotta sleep with your sneakers by your side!

    YES! And when the villagers heard that awful battle-cry:

    * YA-HOOOOOOOOOOO! *

    That’s the one! They would run for their lives, fleeing over hills and
    thru valleys to the river, whereupon they would walk mid-stream for 37 and 1/2
    miles, climbing out on the low-lying branch, shinnying down a young sapling
    onto rocky ground and leaping from stone to stone until they arrived one week
    later at a secret cave 97 miles away, and as they sat down for the first time
    to catch their breath, outside they heard:

    “YA-HOOOO!!!! MORDEN BORDEN FJORDEN GORDEN!”

    Chorus: Yes, it was Erik the Awful, the Brutal and Tenacious
    Erik the Awful, turned up in the darndest places
    Subtle as a chainsaw, lacking all the Social Graces
    You can run, but you cannot hide!

    OH! And this time they cut south to Paris, bought tickets on the Orient
    Express to Istanbul, hired a U-Haul to the Coast, jumped a Greek freighter
    across the Mediterranian Sea to MON-golia, hooked up with a camel caravan into
    the heart of the Gobi Desert, and as they paused at an oasis, to lift one
    handful of cool water to their parched lips, over their shoulder they heard:

    “YA-HOOOO!!!! MORDEN BORDEN FJORDEN GORDEN!”

    They fled to Calcutta!
    * YA-HOOOOOOOO! *

    They fled to the Himalayas!
    * YA-HOOOOOOOO! *

    Tokyo!
    * YA-HOOOOOOOO! *

    Toronto!
    * YA-HOOOOOOOO! *

    Toledo and Heyhailea, Georgia…..
    * YA-HOOOOOOOO! *

    But it was no use! They finally succumbed to a savage plundering and
    pillaging followed by a big hickey party on the outskirts of what is now
    Washington, DC, where the decendants of Erik can still be found today,
    working as Special Agents for the IRS!

    Erik later amassed a small fortune posing for Molly Hatchet album covers,
    and did stuntwork for Arnold Schwartzenegger in Conan the Barbarian! He also
    won an Academy Award for his dual role as a train wreck and his tender
    portrayal of King Kong’s daddy! Oh, you might remember the end of that one:
    there wasn’t a dry eye in the house when he married the Empire State Building.
    And who could forget the evening he ate the entire Kingdom of the East?
    With no sugar?

    Chorus: Erik the Awful, the Brutal and Tenacious
    Erik the Awful, the Hungry and Voracious
    Subtle as a chainsaw, lacking all the Social Graces
    You can run but you cannot hide!

    * YA-HOOOOOOOOOOO! *

  13. Paul says:

    He tried to play the horn,
    But he couldn’t get the darn
    thing
    up tp his mouth

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