I’m down with OCD, yeah you know me

Maybe it’s the depression, threatening to capsize my little lifeboat as it roars and swells in angry waves.

Maybe it’s the stress, recently reaching near-record levels and jeopardizing the precarious state of my anxious mind.

Whatever the cause, the effects are cropping up in some rather unconventional ways.

You remember I told you about my odd need for physical even-ness? (If you’re just tuning in, please see #90 on my 140 Things About Me page. As if that weren’t idiosyncratic enough in and of itself, I’ve recently developed a few other peculiarities…

I am, apparently, physically incapable of taking the top cup off of a stack of disposable cups. Each workday morning, I arrive at the office and get a cup of coffee. I reach for a styrofoam cup, and…

I pick up at least four or five cups off the top of the stack, so that I can take a cup from the middle. I do this at fast-food joints and convenience stores, too. I think it stems from being neurotically worried about putting my mouth on a cup someone else has touched. Because I know that not everyone washes their hands as obsessively as I do. Which brings me to the next manifestation of my mental meltdown…

I am constantly aware of everything I touch, who might have touched it before me, and what germs I might be unknowingly acquiring. So I wash my hands eleventy thousand times a day, until they’re dry and chapped and raw. (But hey, I don’t use a new bar of soap for each hand-washing, like Jack Nicholson’s OCD character in As Good As It Gets. I’m not that bad … … yet.)

I think I had more to post about, but as I was perusing that IMDB link (that movie’s one of my favorites), I came across this quote:

Sell crazy someplace else, we’re all stocked up here.

And on that note, I think I’ll go curl up in the corner and cry.


7 Responses to I’m down with OCD, yeah you know me

  1. sheryl says:

    Hugs, LadyBug.
    I think we’re all idiosyncratic. I spend a lot of time telling myself not to worry, and suppressing feelings like worry. I am very good at it, except when I’m suddenly not.

    hence, I have a certain astonishing level of cluelessness sometimes. Things I have selectively avoided for years occasionally emerge and make me wonder who I am. The level of control over my awareness shocks other people, and shocks even me.

    Wish I could come over and cook you and the family dinner tonight. I’d make something light and chocolatey for dessert!

  2. Closet Metro says:

    When I worked in a record store in college, I had a customer who wanted to buy some cassette singles, but wouldn’t let me touch them in order to ring them up. He had me ring up his purchases, then he went back to the shelf and grabbed the identical items (untouched by human hands!!! oh, wait, I stocked those an hour ago.) for him to take home.

  3. Danielle says:

    Oh dear. The wanting to go curl up and cry part makes it sound like you are overdue for a visit with your doctor/psychiatrist. I know you didn’t like how the last set of medicines made you feel, but it sounds like it is time to try some new ones. I’ve heard people say it can be a long road to find the right ones, but it is completely worth it in the end.

    Fall is a tough season.

  4. As long as it’s not OPP, I think you’ll be just fine. I do the same things with cups and the hand washing. Put a bottle of lotion next to your soap dispenser. Do you reach behind stuff in the store rather than taking the item up front? Okay, maybe that’s just me.

    Public places are dirty. It’s not OCD. Let’s just keep telling ourselves that.

  5. amy says:

    I always grab the spoon underneath the top spoon, even in my own kitchen drawer. I do the same thing with coffee cups, and I wont even bother using a straw if I have to pick it from a box of straws in a convenience store.

    We’re all a little crazy. Let’s shake on it. After we wash our hands, of course.

    Hug for you. Big one.

  6. LadyBug says:

    Something light and chocolatey sounds delish, Sheryl. YUM.

    Now that IS bad, Metro. I wouldn’t have done that, although I might’ve wiped ’em all down with a wet wipe once I got home. 😐

    I’ve been back on the meds for almost a month now, Danielle, albeit different ones than the last ones I was on. So far they don’t seem to be working…not much, anyway. I go back next week for a meds check, and I’ll discuss it with the doc further then.

    I can’t do the lotion-beside-the-soap-dispenser thing, Undercover Mutha, because my hands don’t feel clean unless they’re “freshly” washed. (I know, I KNOW…I’m rolling my eyes, just reading that.) Public places ARE dirty; and the people in them (and their snot-encrusted kids) are generally icky. *shudder*
    P.S. I’m so glad someone got my title! Hee.

    “After we wash our hands, of course.” Cracked me right up, Amy. And I needed that this morning. Big hugs to you, too, darlin’.

  7. […] ~ Tuesday evening found me alone (Deputy Dad was working) with all three kids in the emergency room at the hospital in [larger town an hour away, where we go for shopping and pediatrician visits] while we waited for Miss Attitude to get a chest x-ray. Oh. My. Freaking. Gosh. I went into OCD Overdrive as I watched the walking wounded (and presumably contagious!) around us. (To clarify, I didn’t take all three kids and head to [larger town] to take Miss Attitude to the E.R.  We went for a pediatrician appointment, and he wanted to get a chest x-ray after hearing her junky-sounding left lung.  It was after-hours by then, so we had to go through the E.R. to get it done…which meant waiting in the E.R. waiting room, a terrifying experience for an OCD/anal-retentive mom of three.) […]

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