Open Letters

Dear Complaint Department:

So…yeah…umm…about today… It…umm…totally did NOT work for me. In fact, it really, really sucked. I hereby request a do-over. With…umm…a stand-in Mom? A stunt double? Maybe? Because, geez, I am abso-fucking-lutely exhausted.

Sincerely yours,


Dear Guy In the White Truck Who Ran the Fucking Stop Sign and Almost Ran Me Over:

I was not waving at you. I was trying my damndest not to flip you off.

Up yours,


Dear September:

You suck. I mean, you really fucking suck. You suck so much that you’ve actually got me using the F-word. Me! The freaking F-Word! I cannot fucking wait until October shows up to kick your sorry ass to the curb.

Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out,


15 Responses to Open Letters

  1. tiffany says:

    I know I shouldn’t giggle, but there is something so beautiful about the words “Up yours – LadyBug”

    October HAS to be better, right?

  2. It’s like we’re leading the same life twice.

  3. CircusKelli says:

    October will be fucking awesome! (oops, can I say that on your blog??)

    If it’s not, come with me to Miami at the end of October — the code for the airport there is “MIA”. That CAN’T be a coincidence…

  4. Closet Metro says:

    Dear September,

    Lick ’em.

  5. So many balld hedded monkey hugs to give and so little time!

    When it all goes crazy and the thrill is gone,
    Days get rainy and the nights get long,
    When you get that feeling you were born to lose,
    Starin’ at your ceiling, thinking of your blues.

    When there’s so much trouble that you want to cry
    The world has crumbled and you don’t know why,
    When you hopes are fading and they can’t be found,
    Dreams have left you waiting, friends have let you down.

    Just remember I love you,
    and it will be all right
    Just remember I love you,
    more than I can say,
    Maybe then your blues will fade away…

    When you need a lover and you’re down so low,
    You start to wonder but you’ll never know,
    When it feels like sorrow is your only friend,
    Knowing that tomorrow you’ll feel this way again.
    When the blues come calling at the break of dawn,
    Rain keeps falling, but the rainbow’s gone,
    When you feel like crying, but the tears won’t come,
    When your dreams are dying, when you’re on the run.

    Just remember I love you,
    and it will be all right
    Just remember I love you,
    more than I can say,
    Just remember I love you,
    and it will be all right,
    It’ll be all right,
    It’ll be all right
    – Girl.A and her balld hedded monkey

  6. kalki says:

    ::dragging September by the ear::
    What did I TELL you about bothering my blogfriends?! Ever since you’ve been hanging with August, you’ve caused nothing but trouble. Shoo! Skedaddle! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

  7. amy says:

    oh honey.

    damn sept to hell.

    hug hug ladybug.

  8. psumommy says:

    I’ve put September into a time-out on my basement stairs…and when she comes out, I’ll make her apologize and clean up her mess, ok?

    In the meantime, watch this It’ll help to bring those warm fuzzies back.

  9. CircusKelli says:

    This just in… September is leaving in three days…

    Hang in there, darlin.

  10. Kit says:

    Have I told you lately that I love you? Well, I do.

  11. Closet Metro says:

    September, your days are numbered.

  12. kerrianne says:

    I’m with you. We should start an anti-September club, wherein we get cool t-shirts and get to throw pumpkins just for fun. ; )

  13. CircusKelli says:

    Psst… September will be history in less than two hours… Wooo!

  14. sheryl says:

    My cat has no safety training. She’s totally reckless. (It’s true! Someday I’ll catch chou-chou in action and show the world.)

    (p.s. I hope you recognize those words…)

    (p.p.s. smoooch)

  15. cat says:

    Suck it, September! SUCK! IT!
    Yeah, I said it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: