Every kid’s first chapter books should be Junie B. Jones books

A couple of quotes from Junie B. Jones Is a Beauty Shop Guy:

“Mother followed me.
Her face looked suspicious.
Suspicious is the grown-up word for I think maybe you might be fibbing.”

. . .

[after giving the dog (Tickle) a haircut…]

“Mother chased me all over my yard.
That woman is speedier than she looks.
She caught me by my arm and marched me into the house.
After that, she sat me in a chair. And she said my goose is cooked, young lady.
Goose is cooked means that your goose is in big trouble. Only I don’t actually have a goose. Only that was not the time to mention it, probably.
Just then, my Daddy came home from work.
Mother tattletaled to him about Tickle.
Then both of them hollered a lecture at me.
It was called What in the World Has Gotten into Me, Young Lady? Do I Not Even Have Good Sense? And Do They Have to Watch Me Every Single Minute?
After they finished yelling, Mother put me in my room. And she took away my scissors forever.
And here’s the worstest part of all.
After dinner I had to take a bath and go right back to bed.
Mother kissed me on my cheek.
It was not that sincere.”

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