Disclaimer: This blog entry will most likely be filled with whining and venting. Proceed at your own risk.
Okay, so I’ve been wanting to post…needing to vent, but I thought, Geez, no one wants to hear me whine. I shouldn’t blog that. Then I remembered, hey, one of the main reasons I started this blog was to have an outlet…to have my own space to get my thoughts and feelings out. So. Feel free to skip this entry. You won’t hurt my feelings. I just need to vent, to get my thoughts organized, to…make a list!
- The new antidepressant seems to be working. My emotional health has definitely improved. I knew the meds were working when Big Boy was in the hospital, because I totally kept my shit together. I never flipped out. I didn’t even cry, which I think would’ve been completely justified, depression or not.
- However, since the new meds have kicked in, I am so. tired. all the time. And absolutely, totally, completely unmotivated. I have no motivation to do…anything. The house is a wreck. The laundry is never finished. I’m not very productive at work. I haven’t written Big Boy’s monthly newsletter yet. I can’t even get motivated enough to go to bed at a decent hour, even though I’m exhausted. I end up wasting away the evening, staying up late because I have so much to do, but not really doing anything at all. I definitely need to visit with the doctor about this at my appointment next week.
- The Drama Queen is suddenly filled with teenage angst…or she’s possessed, I’m not sure which. She’s only eight (well, technically, 8 and 10/12ths), so it had damn well better not be puberty. I only know this……we have a loooooong road ahead of us with that child.
- I’ve been really down the last few days, because I realized there’s no. way. I’ll be able to do any Christmas shopping this weekend. Mother-In-Law and I get up at 5:00AM every Friday-after-Thanksgiving, and head to Wal-Mart for the 6:00AM Day After Thanksgiving Sale. It’s silly, I know; but it’s our little tradition. We go every year, we fight the crowds, we see everyone we know in sweatsuits and no makeup, and we get a little rush from the combination of cold morning air and low, low prices. We really enjoy that time together. I’ll probably still go this year, but I won’t really be able to do any shopping, because…
- We are so freakin’ broke, it’s not even funny. Between the work days Deputy Dad and I both missed when Big Boy was in the hospital, and the doctor/hospital/prescription bills, we are flat broke. I don’t mean gee-I-only-have-a-hundred-dollars-in-my-checking-account broke; I mean today-is-the-twenty-second-and-my-mortgage-was-due-on-the-first broke. I’m thinking of auctioning off my internal organs on eBay. I figure I can sell one of everything I have two of…kidney, eyeball, lung, boob (heck, I can spare 1 1/2 of those!). But until I find a surgeon who’ll operate on commission…flat broke. So, yeah, shopping is pretty much out.
- Even though I’ve been down the last few days, I’m happy to say it’s more of a ‘normal’ type of down than depression. That is to say, I’m just feeling down, and not depressed, which I think is…well, it’s fantastic. (I know it’s weird…Hey, I’m feeling down, isn’t that fantastic?! But it does feel good to know that I can feel normal highs and lows, without the dark clouds moving in again.)
- The weather was beautiful today, worth mentioning, even with all the venting. It was 72 at 4:00 this afternoon, so I took the kids to the park for a little while. I haven’t done that in a long time.