I just gotta get out of this prison cell, One day I’m gonna be free

I’m still here, still checking email, still lurking on my favorite blogs.

Here’s a question or two, once again, for those of you who have gone through this depression thing, either personally or with someone close to you:

First of all, AM I LOSING MY FREAKING MIND? What the hell is wrong with me these days? I’ve become an absent-minded, incompetent idiot. Here’s a short list of things I have completely f*cked up, just in the last few days:

1. Wednesday morning, I checked my calendar to see what time the kids were scheduled to have their flu shots this weekend, only to discover that the appointment was actually LAST WEEKEND. So not only did I have to call the pediatrician’s office, apologize profusely for missing the appointment, and reschedule, but I’ve also put all three of my children at risk for contracting the flu if they are exposed to it between now and their October 15th appointment (the earliest they could get us in). This wouldn’t be that big of a deal, except that Miss Attitude has ASTHMA, which makes the flu a potentially life-threatening illness for her. So yeah, um, kind of a big deal, there.

2. I sent the girls to school with the wrong report cards this morning. As in, last night I put Miss Attitude’s report card in The Drama Queen’s backpack, and vice versa. DQ called me at work this morning, “Umm…Mom? You gave me the wrong report card.” Well, shit. Leave work, drive to DQ’s school, get MA’s report card, drive to MA’s school, give her her report card and get DQ’s report card, then drive back to DQ’s school to take hers to her.

3. I can’t even remember the third thing. That right there oughta be a sign of my foggy-headedness. (I don’t really care if that’s actually a word or not.) But I know there was something else, because I distinctly remember crying and telling Deputy Dad, “See? See how I just go around f*cking things up??” Yeah. A little emotional and prone to dramatic outbursts lately.

The thing is, this really is not like me, at all. I used to be so organized, so on top of everything. And lately, I’m just….I don’t know. I can’t think clearly. I’m in a fog. I can’t keep up with everything. I’m forgetful and disorganized. The question is……Well, what the frick is wrong with me? Since I know I’m taking meds that actually affect my mind, I know it’s possible that the meds are making me flaky (or is it? I don’t even know for sure). But it’s also entirely possible that the stress or the depression or….something else is behind it.

So, Internet. What say you? Am I just absolutely nucking futs, or what?

Oh, and the other question is this: What is the correct phrasing, when you’re discussing your depression? Saying, “I have depression” sounds weird, saying, “I suffer from depression” sounds…I don’t know, dramatic, maybe? I mean, saying, “I suffer…” just seems weird. The phrasing of “I’m being treated for depression” flows more easily, but it’s a somewhat long and cumbersome expression. Not that I plan on making up signs or going around shouting, “I am afflicted with a disease that shrouds my soul in darkness!” But it’d be nice to know what the phrasing is.

Thank you all again so much for your very kind comments and emails. I always try to respond to everyone individually, but I just don’t have it in me right now. Maybe soon…..hopefully, soon.


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