Things I should not be legally allowed to operate before my morning injection of caffeine

1. Heavy machinery
2. A motor vehicle
3. A hair dryer
4. The not-all-that-complicated-but-still-somehow-frustrating, security-inspired, keyless entry system at the back door of our office building.
5. A computer
6. A copy machine
7. An electric stapler
8. A (*sigh*) manual stapler
9. A paper clip
10. Anything, really, more complicated than a toothbrush.

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