Wherein you begin to wonder if an emotionally unstable raccoon is guest-blogging today

I know he was joking.

He said he was joking.

He apologized.

But…

BUT…

It just hurt, what he said.

It was mean.

It was…

It was so unlike him, to say something like that.

Yes. He’d had a rough day.

Yes. They’d called him in to work on his DAY OFF, and he’d spent the day working with a dead guy and a bunch of cops.

Yes. Most of those cops use twisted senses of humor to keep themselves separated from what they’re dealing with.

And yes. Maybe he hadn’t been home long enough to ‘switch personas’, and what he said was just leftover, displaced, ill-timed, warped humor.

But…

BUT…

It still hurt.

And I’m still not over it.

In fact, I can’t think of anything else, except what he said.

And then…

And THEN…

I got in the car to come to work this morning and That Song came on.

That Song, that he played for me a few months ago.

We were in the car. He put the CD in, shushed the kids, and said, “Listen to this. This song always makes me think of you.”

And it was That Song, that Don Williams song, simple and sweet, a leap back in time to when country music was pure, before they went and muddied it up.

You placed gold on my finger
You brought love like I’ve never known
You gave life to our children
And to me a reason to go on

You’re my bread when I’m hungry
You’re my shelter from troubled winds
You’re my anchor in life’s ocean
But most of all, you’re my best friend

When I need hope and inspiration
You’re always strong, when I’m tired and weak
I could search this whole world over
You’d still be everything that I need

You’re my bread when I’m hungry
You’re my shelter from troubled winds
You’re my anchor in life’s ocean
But most of all, you’re my best friend

And I couldn’t bring myself to turn it off.

Because…

Because I know he loves me.

There’s never been any doubt.

I just…

It just hurt, that’s all.

It cut deep.

I know he didn’t mean it.

I know.

He just…

He’s never said anything like that before.

God, I hope he never does again.

UPDATE: Yes, of course I forgave him. He held me tightly and whispered, “I’m sorry” (I already knew he was) and told me he loved me (I never doubted it). He held me sooooo close, his voice soft and warm in my ear. My heart melted, my knees went weak, and all was forgiven. It’s just too bad he’s working tonight. This would be a wonderful opportunity for some fabulous, ahem, making up.

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