Google me this…

This week marks the launch of former English teacher mrtl‘s Motif Monday. I don’t generally get in on the various themed days in blogland (Self-portrait day, Stuff Friday, etc.), but I like this one, because (a) it’s simple: mrtl gives a topic (which, I believe will be just one word, after this week), (b) it doesn’t require me to take/upload/fix/crop photos of anything or anyone, and (c) I’ll always be a schoolgirl at heart, sitting in the second desk from the front, in the row closest to the teacher’s desk.

(As an aside, yes, I do realize today is actually Tuesday. But yesterday was a holiday, so – for all intent and purposes – today is Monday. Shut up. It is so.)

This week’s theme is “My #1 Google search term.” As you can imagine, I get many hits from people searching for information on ladybugs, including – but not limited to – “what a ladybug looks like”, “long ladybug grow”, “a pregnant ladybug”, and the oh-so-specific, all-caps request “LADYBUG THAT’S AN INSECT”. I can only imagine the disappointment – or sheer horror – when these well-intentioned searches land those poor folks here.

I also get plenty of hits from people looking to accessorize their lives with various ladybug paraphernalia: “lady bug baths”, “lady bug toys”, “LADYBUG BEDROOM”, “how to build a ladybug house”, “ladybug bedroom stuff”, “ladybug baby stuff”, “ladybug stove”, “ladybug rock”, “swimsuit AND ladybug”, and “ladybug cake” – which, I hope, would be a cake made to look like a ladybug, and not one made out of ladybugs (blech).

Ladybug searches aside, I do get some interesting, and some humorous hits. For instance, the following are examples of searches – exactly as they were Googled – that have landed unsuspecting victims visitors here.

“Saturday Night Live-oops, I crapped my pants” (#7 Google result)

“squirl + pus” (#5 Google result) (This one requires a nod to Squirl, else that spelling-challenged Googler would’ve ended up elsewhere.)

“kimberley swimsuit bachelor naked” (#10 Google result)

Other search phrases that show up in my stats:

a ladybug with attitude (Hell, yeah. I’ll show you attitude.)
explosive diarrhea (Yep. Been there. Done that. And you might wanna get off the computer and go check that diaper again.)
fun and bronchoscopy (Trust me. Fun, it ain’t.)
10 month old night wakings (Um, yeah. I feel for you. I really do. But – I’m so sorry – you’ll find nothing actually helpful here.)
lady like vomiting (There’s nothing ladylike about vomiting. It can’t be done. Unless you were looking for a lady who…likes vomiting? And if so…just…YUCK.)
baby diarrhea night (There again, been there. Done that. Go check that diaper again.)
loud birds waking you up (May I suggest a scarecrow?)
Vomiting bug 2005 (Now that’s just gross.)

My all-time favorite search phrase, though, is this one:

“I like the way you put your hands up in the air 2005”.

I’ve no idea what that person was searching for, but seeing that phrase in my stats made me giggle.

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