Last night I almost killed myself trying to get away from one of these horrifying creatures:
Photo courtesy of Webster’s Online Dictionary.
That, my friends, is a Mosquito Hawk, a harmless, mosquito-eating insect which has plagued our area of Texas in recent years.
Now, we all know how I react to flying insects. And the Mosquito Hawk, while harmless, is one of the creeeeeeeeeeepiest bugs it’s ever been my displeasure to encounter. It’s all skinny and spindly-legged and ominous-looking. And…and it does this thing. This thing where, instead of actually flying, like flying insects are supposed to do, it HOVERS. Seriously. It bounces off walls and ceilings and (ACK!) people…all in a creepy, annoying-little-brother “I’m not touching you” holding pattern.
And the damn things keep coming into. my. house. I’m fairly certain they are STALKING ME, lying in wait and surreptitiously sneaking inside the moment an unsuspecting family member opens the door. I was washing dishes last night when I was ASSAULTED, in my own kitchen, mind you (How rude!), by one of these ne’er-do-wells. Deputy Dad was in the garage (Thank God he was off last night.), and I couldn’t shout to him, for fear of waking the kids.
So, I did what any logical (well, freaked out and illogical, really) person would have done at that moment, when confronted thusly with her own mortality. I waited a moment, until the creature was hovering just above the floor, and I used the only weapon available to me…the wet, plastic cereal bowl I had in my hand at the onset of the attack. I stealthily placed the bowl upside-down over the nasty nuisance; then I stared at it until Deputy Dad returned, whereupon I instructed him to remove the bug, PLEASE GET IT OUT OF HERE.
Of course, he obliged. And maybe he rolled his eyes and shook his head and tried not to laugh at his silly wife.
But hey, bug removal is HIS job, not mine.
That was CLEARLY outlined in our marriage vows.