Obligatory Posting of New Year’s Resolutions

I almost never make New Year’s resolutions. Because I hate them, that’s why. I mean, why set myself up for failure like that?
However, in the interest of the blogosphere and the current, calendar-spurred trend of cataloguing one’s vices and vowing never again to drink/smoke/overeat/get high/do any combination thereof, I present, for your ridicule, my New Year’s Resolutions (I’ve even included something about weight loss, for all you die-hard resolutionists out there.):

1. I will try not to obsessively check my favorite blogs for updates (sorry Julie and Daniel (aka Dr. Johnny Fever)), or leave them on-screen and compulsively Refresh (sorry Dooce), thus having my IP address show up on their stats logs thousands of times, and making me, in essence, an internet stalker. (Yeah, I’m pretty sure there’s no way I can stick with this one.)

2. I will NOT participate in some ridiculous, trendy diet in an effort to “lose the baby weight.” “Baby weight” is a misnomer anyhow; if I’ve had the kangaroo pouch since the birth of the firstborn (eight years ago), can I really blame the new baby?

3. I WILL try to remind myself daily that, since Baby Boy has started solids, I can no longer rely on breastfeeding as my sole means of losing said baby weight; I will also try to do this reminding BEFORE I deposit the chocolate into the gaping orifice that is my mouth.

[Notice almost all of these say “I will TRY”?…It’s that “setting myself up for failure” thing. See, this way, I can always say, “Well, I TRIED….”]

4. I will enjoy my kids more and try (God help me) to yell less. (Sidenote: The reason I yell? Is because it’s the only thing that WORKS. The girls won’t listen to anything else…..but I will try, nevertheless.)

5. I will try to schedule more time alone with Deputy Dad. (Yes, everything has to be scheduled at our house.)

There. Five resolutions for 2005. Are you happy now, Internet?

Hope you and yours have a safe, happy and healthy New Year. (Oh, and drinking and driving is for assholes. Don’t be an asshole.)

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