Le Freak, So Chic

I almost ripped my earring through my ear yesterday after some unknown object touched my neck. I was loading Baby Boy into the car when I felt it…
Now, people, let me tell you: anything that lands on my skin uninvited is automatically assumed to be something of the insect or spider variety: something evil, probably with wings, which has invaded my space and intends to bite, sting, or otherwise molest me, after which it will make off with my first-born child as I lie naked in a pool of blood.

The only appropriate reaction to this type of invasion is, of course, a full-on FREAK OUT, complete with flailing arms, tap-dancing legs, jumping up and down sporadically, and running in circles like my hair’s on fire. Only, since I was holding Baby Boy with my left arm, I was forced to contain my grand maul seizure to the right side of my body. There was much flicking of the hair, swiping of the neck and flailing of the arm before I was convinced (though not completely) that the offending evil was gone. Somewhere in the process my right ear screamed in pain, bringing me to my senses (somewhat), and making me realize what I never wanted to admit….My Freak Out dance? Shameful. I probably look like Elaine dancing on Seinfeld. And someone could really get hurt.

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