Overheard…

…at The Drama Queen’s basketball game:

Man, they are on her like flies on cowpies!

Quote of Note

“I used to be a lifeguard, ’til some blue kid got me fired.” -Larry the Cable Guy

Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity

I took a long, hot shower…

used my apricot facial scrub,

my coconut-scented shampoo and conditioner,

my apple-scented bath gel,

and my Melon Splash shave gel.

Then I slathered myself in Almond Body Butter,

and put on my Satin Pear deodorant.

.

.

.

I smell like a giant fruit salad.

Yes, I’m bragging, but that’s okay, I’m allowed

I received an email from The Drama Queen’s teacher, who just got the results of the TAKS Test.

The Drama Queen passed.

Not only did she pass, but she got Commended Performance (90% or above).

Not only did she get Commended Performance, but my little Drama Queen only missed ONE question on the entire test.

I’m weepy, I’m so relieved and proud.

A few random and completely unrelated items

• It’s so dang windy here in Small Town, Texas, today, I’m half-expecting Mary Poppins to come floating down from the sky at any moment.
• Today is Career Day at Miss Attitude’s school. Parents (including Deputy Dad) will be talking to the kids about their jobs and careers, and the kids were allowed to dress for their future careers. Miss Attitude’s career choice? A movie star.
• It’s a good thing I don’t cave under pressure. I’ve had so many offers to NcrEEs [my] MnhUd! and P|eeZ [my] WmeNz – L@t3st Ph@rM@cEE New&! lately…..surely someone more easily influenced by peer pressure would’ve caved by now.

Every kid’s first chapter books should be Junie B. Jones books

A couple of quotes from Junie B. Jones Is a Beauty Shop Guy:

“Mother followed me.
Her face looked suspicious.
Suspicious is the grown-up word for I think maybe you might be fibbing.”

. . .

[after giving the dog (Tickle) a haircut...]

“Mother chased me all over my yard.
That woman is speedier than she looks.
She caught me by my arm and marched me into the house.
After that, she sat me in a chair. And she said my goose is cooked, young lady.
Goose is cooked means that your goose is in big trouble. Only I don’t actually have a goose. Only that was not the time to mention it, probably.
Just then, my Daddy came home from work.
Mother tattletaled to him about Tickle.
Then both of them hollered a lecture at me.
It was called What in the World Has Gotten into Me, Young Lady? Do I Not Even Have Good Sense? And Do They Have to Watch Me Every Single Minute?
After they finished yelling, Mother put me in my room. And she took away my scissors forever.
And here’s the worstest part of all.
After dinner I had to take a bath and go right back to bed.
Mother kissed me on my cheek.
It was not that sincere.”